Updated February 8, 2021

Do you just do Valentine’s Day, or do you really DO Valentine’s Day? What I mean by that is do you simply go through the motions of buying the obligatory cards, candy and flowers and maybe a nice dinner out? Or do you really put thought into it and use it as a chance to let the most special people in your life know how much you truly love and appreciate them? Obviously, I’m leaning toward the second way, and I’m going to show you how Valentine’s Day on a budget and with meaning is possible. It may also turn out to be one of the healthiest days that you celebrate all year!

Valentine’s Day on a Budget

Before we go any further, it’s important to remember that when the term ‘on a budget’ is used on this site, it’s meant as a way of looking at life through a lens of abundance, not lack. It’s about being thoughtful with your valuable resources – your time, your money, your emotions and your energy – and making sure that they’re supporting you in the best, healthiest way possible. That’s where thinking about Valentine’s Day on a budget can serve us well. It’s a chance to really take stock of our riches when it comes to the people we love and who love us back and to be truly intentional about recognizing and appreciating that love.

While there’s no doubt that Valentine’s Day can be very commercial, Bean Robinson, PhD believes that special occasions like this can still be extremely meaningful for our closest relationships. She should know, she’s a licensed marriage and family therapist and Clinical Director for the Program in Human Sexuality in the Department of Family Medicine and Community Health at the University of Minnesota Medical School. Bean says that these occasions “kind of force us to think about that person and give us an opportunity or a reminder to do something special to demonstrate how we feel about them and how much we value them, love them, like them and care for them.”

Doing this is certainly good for our relationships, but it’s also good for our health. It puts our focus on what is good and positive and loving in our life and triggers the release of the so-called happiness hormones such as endorphins, dopamine and serotonin. These hormones can carry us a long way in balancing out the ‘business’ of everyday life.

Expressions of Love That Don’t Cost a Lot of Money

The great thing is that demonstrating our love doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Valentine’s Day on a budget is about spending energy and effort, not depleting our bank account. Here are some low-cost ideas for celebrating Valentine’s Day in a way that’s meaningful and healthy for everyone involved.

Cook a nice dinner at home together

Even though lingering over dinner at a fancy restaurant isn’t the safest option this year, the idea of taking the night off from cooking and ordering take out might be appealing. If that’s something that is easily within your budget and there’s a place that’s meaningful for you and your love, go for it.  Otherwise, having dinner at home can be just as meaningful and just as special. The key here is cooking together. Plan the meal together, buy your groceries together and cook together.

Tell the kids it’s an early bedtime night, or if they’re older, that they just need to spend some time in their room or in some other part of the house. Set the table with a nice tablecloth, cloth napkins and lit candles and you’re set. Most importantly, the TV is off, and no phones are allowed anywhere near the kitchen or where you’re eating. Talk to each other and take the chance to remember why this is the most important person in your life.

Make a card instead of buying one

I don’t know about you, but I usually feel like buying cards is a waste of money because I can never find one that’s exactly right. If I can’t find one that says what I want it to, I’d much rather use my own words and get it like I want it. If I don’t know what I want it to say, then that means I’ve got even more homework to do. Valentines are an expression of our love, and we should be able to put that into words at least one day a year.

A couple of years ago, I bought pre-cut large hearts and gave some to everyone in the family. The entire pack cost no more than $4. The instructions were to write words on them that describe all of the things that we love and appreciate about each other. Those cards are some of the most meaningful I’ve ever received.

Make your own candy

I make fudge for Valentine’s in a heart-shaped mold that I bought years ago. There’s nothing healthy about the fudge, but the happy hormones released because of the effort I put into it for those I love do wonders for me mentally and physically. I’ve also bought strawberries, dipped them halfway in chocolate and ended up with a treat that looks and tastes as good as anything that you’ll buy at a store.

Buy flowers at the farmer’s market or plant seeds

If you’re lucky enough to live where you can find flowers at the farmer’s market in February, this is a great option for buying an arrangement that looks beautiful and doesn’t cost a lot of money. Some farmers with environmentally-friendly greenhouses are able to provide flowers in even the colder climates, so don’t count this out until you check. Another option is to buy a pack of flower seeds and start them in small cups so that they’re ready to be given on Valentine’s. They’ll provide enjoyment as your Valentine gets to watch them grow indoors and then they can be planted outside so that they’ll continue to give joy for a long time to come.

Plan a no-cost or low-cost outing

While you may feel like you’ve run through all of the outdoor outing options this year, get creative. Look for a new way to experience somewhere that you’ve already been to or find a place that you haven’t explored yet.  Putting the effort into planning a special afternoon or an entire day with your Valentine will pay off big in terms of how much pleasure you both will get from it. Making sure that it costs little to nothing can be a fun part of your challenge and will force you to be as creative as possible. 

Lean on Your Community

There’s no doubt that you can spend a lot of money on Valentine’s Day if you want to, but that’s not what it’s about. Valentine’s Day on a budget is about putting thought and effort into showing those you love how much they mean to you. The health benefits that you and your Valentine will reap from this will last for a long time to come. Hopefully some of the ideas here will give you some inspiration. If you have other ideas, feel free to share them in the comments below.

If you also want to learn more about nurturing your romantic relationship on Valentine’s Day and throughout the year, be sure and check out Craving Connection: The Importance of Intimate Relationships.

The post Valentine’s Day on a Budget appeared first on Peppermint Tea.

Why Intimate Relationships Are Important for Our Health and Wellbeing

Bean Robinson, PhD is a licensed marriage and family therapist and Clinical Director for

the Program in Human Sexuality in the Department of Family Medicine and Community Health at the University of Minnesota Medical School. She says intimate relationships are important for our health and wellbeing because we’re social creatures and live in packs. “We need physical contact as well as close emotional contact because that’s how we thrive.” In other words, we need close connections in order to really be happy and healthy.

Holistic health coach and and former relationship podcast host Jessica Martin-Brassington believes that all areas of our life are connected and affect each other. That means that even if you exercise and have a great career, if your intimate relationship isn’t giving you the connection that you need, it’s going to affect your health. Jessica says, “Because we spend so much time with that person, our day-to-day really depends on how that relationship is going.”

That’s true when we’re newlyweds, when we’ve been at it for a while and as we age. UC Berkeley researchers who conducted a study published in the journal Emotion found that “older people in stable marriages are relatively happy and experience low rates of depression and anxiety. Marriage has been good for their mental health.” In fact, they say, “These findings underscore the importance of intimate relationships as people age, and the potential health benefits associated with marriage.”

What a Healthy Relationship Looks Like

While there’s no cookie cutter for what healthy relationships look like, there are some things they have in common. Bean says there are really two parts – the functional side and the intimate side. The functional side is more of the business part of the relationship – this includes generally agreeing on how to raise children and running and managing a household with minimal conflict. The intimate side means that you truly like each other and are there to support each other, that you have regular time for each other and yes, that you have a regular sex life that’s satisfying.

Jessica goes so far as to say that a healthy relationship should breathe life into our everyday. It’s one that is in alignment with healthy boundaries that we’ve set for our relationships such as not making us feel bad about ourselves or speaking negativity into our lives and adds something to our lives and allows us to thrive.

Focusing on Our Relationships

Of course, all of this doesn’t just automatically happen. Even though natural chemistry can go a long way, the stress of parenting, our jobs, aging parents and running a household can take their toll on even the strongest relationships. That’s where effort and some good old-fashioned hard work comes in.

Making a Consistent Effort

While Jessica doesn’t believe it’s realistic to focus on any one particular thing every day of the year, “If it’s something that is healthy and is allowing you to thrive and you enjoy it, you’re naturally going to want to work on that relationship or that part of your life and make it better and better.” She says that at different seasons of our life and times of the year, we might have things that are at the forefront of our focus, and that’s fine. That’s the way it should be. But, she reminds us, we need to make sure that no matter what else is going on, we carve out time and give the effort on a regular basis to strengthen our relationship with our intimate partner. If we don’t do that, we run the risk of everything else not working as it should.

In fact, this was one of the reasons Jessica started giving her voice to the topic—“to inspire women who had lost themselves in motherhood or business and were ready to take control of their health and bring their sexy back without guilt.” Jessica recognized in her own life that she had to say, “No. My children are a huge part of my life, but they’re not all my life. I have to focus on myself and then my husband. Because if we’re not okay, the family’s not okay. And I wanted him to know that I appreciated him.”

Using Holidays and special Occasions

While Bean agrees that focusing on our relationship with our spouse or partner should be a regular thing, she recognizes that people “get caught up in their busy lives.” That’s why she believes holidays and special occasions like Valentine’s Day have their place too. “Those are ways that kind of force us to think about that person and give us an opportunity or a reminder to do something special to demonstrate how we feel about them and how much we value them, love them, like them and care for them.”

4 Tips to Nurture Our Intimate Relationships

Our experts offer the following four tips to nurture your relationship to keep it healthy and strong, which in turn, will help to keep you healthy and strong.

Set aside time every week to be together

Bean suggests picking the same day every week that’s consistently good for both of you because if you try to figure it out on a week by week basis, you run the risk of it not happening. That means if someone else asks you to do something or if something else comes up – unless it’s extremely important – you don’t do it. Your set aside time with your partner is sacred. Bean advises using this time to connect sexually, but also to have brunch together, go on a walk, a bike ride, play tennis or do anything that allows you to have fun together.

Make your bedroom an inviting place for you and your spouse or partner

Jessica says this is an important part of setting healthy boundaries that support you and your relationship. “You should either be having sex or sleeping in that space.” You don’t want to go into a room with toys everywhere and where children or the piles of clean laundry have taken over. Make somewhere else your “catch all” room. This is a space for you and your spouse.

Bring back an attitude and feeling of dating

Jessica suggests that when you go somewhere with just the two of you (as in during your weekly time recommended by Bean), that you set a time to talk about kids, house projects or anything else practical that’s going on, and then cut it off and just focus on each other. Think about something you don’t know about your partner or that you haven’t done in a while and talk about that. Just like when you were dating, be interested in what they’re doing or what they’re thinking about. Also, don’t forget to flirt. Flirting lets the other person know you’re thinking about them, noticing them and helps to keep the flame going.

Communicate

We all know we need to do communicate well, but many of us don’t or don’t know how to. Jessica advises asking your partner, “Hey, what would you like to see different? What do you miss about our relationship either before we had kids, or from last year, or when we noticed we weren’t spending as much time together?” The key here is making sure that you ask it in way that shows you’re open to whatever they have to say and won’t get defensive or hurt. You’ll have your turn to answer the same questions, but it’s important that both people listen to what the other one is saying.

Jessica says that we often don’t address these things until they’re in a “state of emergency or disaster,” and then both people involved are sure to be on the defensive. That’s why the best time to discuss these things if possible is when things are going well. You can be proactive with the goal of not reaching that emergency state in the first place.

If things aren’t going well, Jessica suggests going to your partner and saying, “This is how I’m feeling right now.” She says that many times when she’s gone to her spouse with that, it wasn’t even what he meant. It was a misunderstanding. So, go into such conversations with an open heart, she reminds us, and not blaming or judgment, and the outcome will usually be one that benefits everyone.

Bottom Line on the Importance of Intimate Relationships

While our intimate relationships aren’t and shouldn’t be everything in our lives, they are an incredibly important part of our overall health and wellness picture. If your relationship isn’t where you want it to be, use this time leading up to Valentine’s Day to think about whether you’re putting in the effort that both you and your partner deserve. If not, use the tips suggested above to get started in making changes that could make all the difference in the world. You may not be “courting anymore,” but with some work and a lot of love, you can take your relationship to an entirely different level.

The post Craving Connection: The Importance of Intimate Relationships appeared first on Peppermint Tea.