Cell phone use, especially smartphone use, is on the rise, and the way we live our lives is a reflection of that. Statistics released by the Pew Research Center earlier this year, show that 77 percent of Americans own smartphones – up from 35 percent in 2011. We’re no longer tied to computers or desks to get information. It’s at our fingertips whenever and wherever we need it. In fact, the same report shows that “Today one-in-five American adults are ‘smartphone-only’ internet users – meaning they own a smartphone, but do not have traditional home broadband service.” While there are many good things about so many people being connected to information in this way, there are also many pitfalls. Mainly, as we become more connected to our phones, we run the risk of becoming less connected to each other and to the world around us.

As I told you in Part 1: Breaking Up With My Cellphone, I started seeing this in my own life. A completely unhealthy, dependent relationship with my phone had emerged, and something needed to change. I needed a breakup. Part 1 was about how I came to this realization and how I relied on How To Break Up With Your Phone (Affiliate Link) author Catherine Price and  Good Morning America’s #phonebreakup Challenge to help lead me through the process. Now, I’m sharing what the seven-day breakup was like, how I’m moving on with a new relationship with my phone and how you can too.

Day 1

This was the day for making changes to my physical environment. Since I already use a separate alarm clock, that wasn’t a big adjustment, but the fact that my phone always “slept” right by my alarm clock was not a good thing. If it vibrated while I was trying to fall asleep, I would check it immediately to see who needed something. Not a very conducive way to fall asleep peacefully.

My phone had to move outside the bedroom to its new, temporary charging station until I can find a more permanent spot for it. I have to say this was one of the most freeing parts of the breakup. I had no idea how strong the idea of being connected was even while I was asleep. I also turned the dining table into a no-phone zone. While I didn’t normally have it at the table while we ate, I would have it close by. Now, it’s not even allowed in the same room. That way, I don’t feel like I’m missing out on something while I’m eating because I’m not – everyone I need is right there with me, and I need to be able to fully enjoy being with them.

Key takeaway:

Unless you have a job where you’re truly “on call,” you shouldn’t feel like you are in your own home.

Day 2

“Your life is what you pay attention to.” That was the theme for this day of the challenge. It truly served to make me focus on what I’m paying attention to and whether that’s what I want to be doing. The assignment was to notice when and why I reach for my phone with the idea being that we’re not necessarily trying to stop ourselves from picking up or looking at our phones, but we should be sure that it’s a conscious choice that we’re making.

This was a successful shift for me because I realized that I was checking my phone often to make sure I hadn’t missed something. To help with this, my phone now lies face down next to my computer when I’m working so that I don’t get distracted every time a notification pops up on the screen. Since I have to rely on social media for work, those are some of the notifications I couldn’t turn off, but I can control when I look them. I now have set times built into my day to check any notifications, so that I’m not wasting time and attention by stopping what I’m doing and looking every time something pops up. I also changed my lock screen to one provided by Catherine Price as part of the challenge that says, “What do you want to pay attention to?” This reminds me every time I pick up the phone to stop and think.

Key takeaway:

We need to make sure that our phones, which are objects and tools, aren’t taking away from the things we really want to pay attention to.

Day 3

Learning to recognize my cravings for my phone was a bit challenging. At first, I thought, “I don’t crave my phone. I sometimes crave chocolate, but not my phone, that’s silly.” But then I realized that I might more than I think. The fact that walking from one area to another without my phone was actually physically uncomfortable was one of my flashing neon light type of clues. As I was trying to recondition myself, I started noticing what it felt like when I didn’t immediately indulge these cravings. Guess what? They would last for :30 to a couple of minutes, and then they would simply go away if I didn’t act on them. Sure enough, after doing that for a couple of days, I didn’t even have to think about it because I wasn’t having the cravings anymore.

 Key takeaway:

We can have cravings for our phones as easily as we can for tempting foods or anything else that we think we “have to have.” But just like with those things, cravings can be overcome. It may not be easy, but after a few times of not indulging them, we can see that in most cases, what we’re craving really isn’t a necessity, and after a while, we don’t crave it anymore.

Day 4

This day was about having what Catherine Price calls a #JOMOment (Joy of Missing Out) and deliberately leaving my phone behind while I did something nourishing, joyful or meaningful. Even if it was something as simple as cooking dinner or watching TV with my husband, I learned to leave my phone at its new charging station. This helped to remind to experience what I was doing as opposed to feeling like I was waiting for the next thing to happen.

Key takeaway:

Make sure that every day includes something that’s worth leaving our phone behind for.

Day 5:

Remember when I said in Part 1 that I used to hate when people would pay attention to their phone at the same time they were talking to me and then I started doing the same? This is called phubbing – yes, that is actually a word in the dictionary, and we shouldn’t do it. It’s just plain impolite and is yet another indicator of the power our phones have over us.

During the challenge, I ran into a friend at the grocery store whom I hadn’t seen for a long time. As we were talking, my phone was vibrating incessantly in my purse. I really wanted to give this friend my undivided attention, so I completely ignored the phone. As it turns out, it was my youngest son with what he thought was a pressing need, but my husband was with him and was perfectly willing and capable of making the decision that needed to be made. I didn’t truly need to be looped in at all, everyone survived, and I got to show my friend how interested I was in what’s going on with her.

Key takeaway:

Don’t Phub. Plain and simple. It’s rude. Just don’t do it.

Day 6

This day was all about doing one thing at a time. The challenge was to see what it feels like to do this. I have to admit, this is a hard one. I’ve long since recognized that I am not the queen of multi-tasking that I once thought I was, but it is still hard for me to talk on the phone and not think, “Hey, my hands are free (phone supported by right shoulder), I should be doing something else.” As a result of the challenge, I am definitely making much more of an effort to not do this and to be truly present with whatever one thing I am doing. It’s not easy sometimes, but it is doable and it’s a much saner way to approach life.

Key takeaway:

We really can’t multi-task when it comes to things that we need to give any thought to. If we’re talking on the phone, that’s where our attention needs to be. If we’re spending time with our spouse or kids, we definitely don’t need to be checking our phone. We can’t get those moments back.

Day 7

For this last day of the challenge, Catherine reminds that “The point of breaking up with your phone is to help you get back in touch with your priorities in life—and to create a relationship with your phone that feels healthy, purposeful and fun.” To help with that, she encourages us to write down some thoughts about the experience, what our old habits were and what we want to change. She makes this very easy by providing a questionnaire with prompts, and then the answers are sent back so that you can refer to them from time to time. This step was very helpful because it made me truly think about what my relationship with my phone had been and what I want it to be like now.

Key takeaway:

Breaking up with our phones is just like any habit. It’s helpful to write goals down to really get them to stick.

Now that the challenge is over, I can honestly say that I have a new relationship with my phone. While I certainly appreciate everything it does for me, I fully recognize that it is a tool and nothing more. Its new role is to help me when needed, but I am not at its beck and call. Like any good relationship, I’m sure this will require tweaking every now and then, but that’s okay and very healthy.

The post Part 2: Phone Breakup appeared first on Peppermint Tea.

I can’t say it was love at first sight. In fact, I was fairly intimidated going from my flip phone to this mini-computer that fit in my hand. I was awkward, self-conscious and all the things you normally feel when you’re first getting to know each other. But as soon as I found out everything this magical piece of technology known as a “smart phone” could actually do, I was over the moon. It wasn’t too long though before our healthy love affair became a one-sided obsession.

Now, if I accidentally leave it at home or walk from one room to another without it, it feels as if I’m missing a part of myself. Considering I have a wonderful husband, two sons and a dog who’s only wish in life is to be petted, this in no way shape or form could be classified as a healthy relationship with my cellphone. That’s why, when I saw a segment on Good Morning America with ABC anchor Dan Harris and How To Break Up With Your Phone author Catherine Price about how she helped him to break up with his phone, I knew I had to do the same. I’m a health and wellness writer for heaven’s sake! I know this isn’t healthy, and it’s certainly not good for my overall wellbeing. With the help of GMA’s #phonebreakup Challenge, I’m breaking up with my cellphone. While we’re not saying goodbye, we’re definitely seeing other people – and at least for me, that’s a good thing! After reading this, you may want to evaluate whether you’re in need of a phone breakup as well.

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In the Beginning

Since I work for myself, the idea that I didn’t have to be tied to my desk to get emails and to stay on top of work was completely freeing. As was the idea that I could take my documents with me to my son’s afternoon baseball games so that if a client needed something, I could address it quickly and get back to cheering him on. Yes, there were definitely significant advantages to my new love.

I used to get quietly upset with friends who would text while we were having a conversation – did I not have their undivided attention?! – but when I got my phone, I could not only text, I could surf the web, make tweaks to something for work and have my calendar reminders constantly dinging at me while I carried on a conversation. Just like when you try to juggle spending time with your sweetheart while also not having your friends feel neglected, at some point, it usually doesn’t work out to everyone’s liking.

I received my first warning sign that this might not go too well when I took a trip with my husband to Maine the weekend after I got my phone. I had never been there, and we were driving up the coast. Coming from North Carolina, where our beaches are smooth and sandy, I couldn’t wait to see the rocky coastline. I had plugged in the directions to our hotel and was “navigating” while my husband drove. I was enthralled that my phone – of all things – had a mapping system that meant I would never get lost again. I was following the blue dot intently and finally exclaimed that the blue dot said we should be getting near the ocean soon. My husband gave me one of his amused (snarky) sideways glances, pointed and said, “You mean the ocean that’s right there?” Yes, we had been driving right beside the ocean for at least a couple of minutes, and I hadn’t even noticed. I was looking at the blue dot on my phone! Needless to say, I still hear about that every now and then.

I thought the phone had redeemed itself though when during that same trip, I stole a look at my email while my husband was in the bathroom at a restaurant. There was a note from a client that I hadn’t heard from in a while who had a project for me. If I had waited until we got back home to see and answer the email, I might have lost the project. See! This was going to be a beautiful thing – the multi-tasker in me was head over heels. With the help of my phone, I really could do it all!

We’re Not Courting Anymore

It didn’t take long to realize that we weren’t courting anymore. I was hooked, dependent and obsessed, and my phone was very demanding. It was constantly making noises at me, constantly drawing my attention to it and constantly offering some new way that I never had to be bored or “waste time” again. Instead of being completely present when the entire family was sitting around watching TV after dinner, I could still be in the room, “spending time with my boys” while not truly engaged with them because I was checking email, playing a game, on social media or surfing the web on my phone at the same time. Now that one of those boys is away at college and the other is a full-fledged teenager who usually just wants to be in his room after dinner, what I wouldn’t give to have at least a few of those evenings together back. What’s worse, I wasn’t modeling a healthy way to manage my relationship with my phone for them, and while my older one has come to that on his own, my younger one is still in the newly obsessed phase.

When I saw the segment on GMA, I thought their challenge was an interesting idea and might be a fun thing to try when I had time. I quickly realized though that it was needed more than I thought when I went an entire week with getting sucked into my phone at breakfast instead of talking with my son. Not that he’s an eager conversationalist in the mornings, but still, that’s an opportunity to connect and I wasn’t taking advantage of it. I knew something needed to change. My phone and I needed to just be friends.

Setting the Stage for the Breakup

While Catherine Price’s book very gently walks us through a four-week breakup, I knew I needed to just rip the band-aid off. That’s why I went for the seven-day #breakup Challenge that she put together for GMA. She makes it clear from the beginning that the goal is to recognize that we’re not going to get rid of our phones, but we are going to start treating them like the tool they are and not like a member of the family or in my case, an appendage. Once I signed up for the challenge, I received two welcome/prep emails and then an email for each day of the challenge. The prep emails helped me to define my goals for my new relationship with my phone and had me learn to keep my phone out of my bedroom. This was a big step for me because yes, I am one of those… my phone slept on my nightstand. Of course, in my defense, when my oldest was out late, I felt like I needed to have the phone where he could reach me if needed. Now that I have several years before I have to worry about that with my youngest, there’s no need for my phone to share my bedroom. We don’t have that kind of relationship anymore.

As part of the prep for the challenge, I also learned how to clean up my phone and to get rid of those apps that were just serving as old baggage. I had FOUR screens of apps, half of which I didn’t even know what they were for. I learned how to organize the apps I did keep into folders and how to make my phone as plain as possible by removing the photo of my boys as my screensaver. Now I can spend more time with them in person than getting distracted by looking at them on my phone. I will also say that my phone now looks like how I want my brain to be – organized and uncluttered. Don’t worry though, Catherine isn’t that friend (or mother) that makes you feel bad for letting things get the way they are. She understands where we’re coming from and explains the reason behind every step that we take throughout the breakup.

Next – the Breakup

Now that the stage has been set for my breakup, I’m ready to do it. I know it probably won’t be pleasant, but it’s needed. Be sure and check out my next post for a look at how it went and why you might want to consider jumping on the breakup bandwagon too. Unhealthy relationships, even with our phones, are not good for us mentally or physically. I for one, can’t wait to start the next chapter in my life, where I spend more time interacting with the people who mean the most to me and less time with my phone.

If you want to join me, feel free to leave a comment below, send me an email at Robyn@robynmooring.com or connect through social media. Breakups are always more bearable when there’s a friend to offer support!

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